Notes on Grief


I've been trying to think of what to write to you for a few weeks now. I want to tell you that I'm doing fine. That I have the answer of what herb has been getting me through my grief. That I have all the answers of how to move through this time with strength and peace. But I have no answers for you. The only things that have helped get me through this loss have been my faith in God as my comforter and the love, support, and kind words from my friends and family. So this is what I want to tell you, because I don't want to leave things unsaid, as if I will just jump back into talking about cooking and face masks without acknowledging that something awful happened:

Almost three weeks ago I had to put down my best friend of 16 years, a grumpy, chubby, weird, and so sweet cat named Patches. The loss has been devastating. I walk in the house every day expecting to see her wide-eyed sitting on my bed ready to greet me. But she is there no longer. My heart is broken in ways I didn't quite know were possible. Everything feels tinged with a sadness and a wonder in its value in my life. I still feel somewhat guilty in smiling or laughing and I remember how much joy P brought into my life and I can't help but smile. Her sweet face made even the worst days better. One day I will get another cat, and it won't be P, and I will get through it. I will learn to love deeper through the love that she has given me. 

So thank you, friends, for your kindness during this time. It has meant so much to know I'm not alone in this.